"Fear" is just a four letter word yet it can paralyze you dead in your tracks. Last September, I had gone in search for my creative spirit as if it was something lost, and what I found was that I paralyze myself whenever I start a new project. As in this blog. As in an art business. As in doing what I love most.....making art.
For the past few months, I immersed myself in a several creative books, took a trip or two to the museum, started a new sketchbook, and spent countless hours of visiting many creative blogs and websites. I started a habit of writing a daily 10 item list (today's list) "10 creative experiences I would like to try this year".....1. make a handmade book-2. write and illustrate a short graphic story-3. lino-cut printing-4. hand built small ceramic pieces-5. paint a mural in my home-6. screen printing-7. create a website-8. sew a large modern quilt for my bed-9. knit a vest-10. make a Louise Nevelson like garden gate.
A hard thing to accept is the fact that I do this to myself.
I began to think about a task I do every year with abandoned fear. I garden. I have marginal success and yet I get so excited every spring. I read and reread my garden books and magazines. I browse through catalogs. I watch landscaping shows. I sketch and plan the plants I would love to add to my small, garden space. I buy new plants, I water and browse my garden almost on a daily basis, I am hopeful. I look for new growth and I am excited for small signs of success. I envision a garden that is lush and somewhat overgrown where plants mix and mingle. I look at my garden through rose-colored glasses. I am patient. I am content. I have no fear and no inhibitions, so why can't I apply this philosophy to the thing I love the most? Why am I so fearful of failing or not finishing something I haven't even started? So here it is, a proclamation, "I am acknowledging you FEAR and I am telling you to go away because you are no longer welcome here, you need to go feed on someone else for I am no longer your tasty morsel!" (sound of door slamming).
And as the villain leaves the stage, the audience erupts into applause. Way to put Fear in its place -- as an afterthought!
ReplyDeleteToday I met for the first time with a woman in her 60s who owns a book and map store in Madrid. We got together to practice speaking Spanish (me) and English (her). We began our time together talking about how fear is the thing that prevents us from really being able to speak a foreign language. After our lovely hour and a half together we vowed to get together weekly and to conquer this obstacle and progress toward these long held goals of being able to speak to another large part of the world. Today must be Beat Fear Day for girls everywhere!
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